So There I Am: Gay, Black and a Woman Talking Success – A F*cking Unicorn!
“You’re a F*cking Unicorn” – @HankNorman
This article is for those that thought they understood positioning and those that thought they needed to conform to the position that was set upon them by others.
I never actually ‘came out’
You never actually come out in a Jamaican family. You don’t even whisper to your family how you feel. You just sort of go with the flow. I’ve been ‘going with the flow’ for more than 25 years and still … it’s been hushed, frowned upon and not nearly understood in society, much less the Jamaican household.
Growing up, there are so many pressures one goes through. I can understand how people grow up and are stunted as an adult, still navigating, still searching to find common ground with the beliefs and ideas that were drilled over and over in their childhood years.
The Comfort Killers is built on the foundation of moving outside of your comfort zone. The principle is to live authentic, be you and be true to who you are, even if it means disrupting old archaic social norms and traditions. It is quite scary though, I get it. Everyone wants to travel down a road that has familiar faces, acceptance and easier programming. They adopt easily to whatever is happening. They follow each other like marionettes in a system that is not willing to understand them but a system that cheers on champions at the same time.
Humans LOVE to feel wanted and needed. We are social beings and who wants to be hated? Donald Trump right now, depending on your viewpoint is the most hated person in America …or the most loved. But guess what, either way… you cannot disagree that he is being himself. No matter what, love it or hate it. He is brash, blunt and is whale hunting. He has no problem going against what you ‘think’ a president’s persona should be.
As well as Barak Obama. He completely changed the face of what some people thought the face of America should look like, talk like and act like. If these two were sitting around worried about what others thought about them, they would never achieve anything.
“You’re trying too hard to fit in, try fitting out”
I went through many phases. At one point I was damn near a black panther, then, I was an underground Hip-Hop artist, then I moved on to being a hippy. I was moving with the wind…whatever felt right at the moment. I just wanted to fit in.
I went to a catholic high-school. My parents paid good money for me to fit the mold of a super star student. Giving me the opportunities they could have only dreamed of. The only problem was…I was an average student. C- sometimes D student. Highly capable but never really put my head to the books. I would rather be playing tag, riding bikes, building computers, shoveling snow for money, in the streets with the other kids. They always pushed me. But I never really grasped it. I just didn’t fit in their persona of who I was.
Always entrepreneurial. That I was.
Throughout the many phases of my childhood and into adolescent, I knew I was different. I always wondered if people thought like how I thought or even cared about the things I cared for. I wouldn’t dare explain of these abnormal “who am I?” GOD conversations rolling in my head. I wouldn’t dare tell my parents I like girls. I couldn’t… I didn’t.
Try googling how many people in the world are just like you. You will have received 1 result. In an industry that looks sharp, talk the part, dress the part and speak the part, I come down to disrupt and disturb with pure energy and fire. It took me 34 years to get this shit right. 34 years to finally accept who I am. That’s a long fucking time. Short in relativity to where I am going.
The Comfort Killers is the home of people who finally gets it. They understand that the world revolves around them- they create what they see and their goal is to make what they create great and to their benefit. The obstacles I create are just placed there so I can overcome it. The obstacles you create are there so you can overcome it as well. Learn something and shed fear for a moment in time. You find out who you really are and what you can do.
The bottom line is that it doesn’t really matter if I am gay, or black or a woman. It matters that I don’t let either or hold me back. It matters that you don’t allow how you look or what you believe to hold you back as well. I was born at the perfect time with tools that will carry my through the end. The only real thing is how I perceive.
So What’s Your Unicorn Powers?
What false beliefs are holding you back?
I see so many people trying to fit a mold it’s ridiculous. But I truly understand how hard living as you can be. I mean, you think people may not work with you because of some genetic thing. Or some speech impediment thing. Or some body type thing, or some teeth thing. Listen, I rented this body and this journey – I have a limited time on earth but an infinite potential in legacy. I want to help you see your own unique power.
It’s the post that you backspaced on that needs to be submitted
How many times were you going to say something and didn’t?
I caught myself one time backspacing on a comment I wrote to some random person about a topic I cannot remember right now. As I was backspacing I remember thinking. What the heck am I afraid of? A rebuttal? My opinion? How it’s going to look? It’s the unwritten story that needs to be heard.
I no longer give FREE advice so I have none for you but I do have a few action points to give you that I currently infused in everything I do.
- If you don’t want to do it – say no.
- If you don’t want to be around someone – don’t.
You are the most powerful thing on earth and beautiful and unique. I don’t need to see 100000 versions of someone else. Boring as hell. Copying doesn’t work. Modeling behaviors does.
It’s hard work living up to someone else’s vision of you. Much harder to pretend than it is to create the best version of yourself. Plus. Try being yourself….it looks good on you.
Disrupting The Self-Improvement Industry
Nicole Breedlove wrote an article in Huffington Post about Black Lesbian Owned Businesses Are Endangered. The concept of supporting black-owned businesses is tainted. You know why? Because if I need a hammer and some nails – I go get a hammer and some nails. I support businesses that have products, services and solutions that I need. I don’t go around looking who the owners are and I don’t expect that for my company, The Comfort Killers. You need a new mindset, come. Come because you need it not because I am Gay, Black and a Woman. You need coaching because you have an ongoing gambling addiction or you want support, great! Come because you need support not because I am Gay, Black and a Woman. You want to subscribe to The Comfort Killers Academy as an ongoing member to achieve success? I love it! Bring your ass.
See, this is how I disrupt. I discard limiting beliefs such as buy black, be comfortable, sit still, don’t think, don’t talk, be careful, or ‘shhh, you can’t say that’. I buy solutions. I don’t care if the solution is from a Jew, a catholic, a white man, gay couple, or Muslim or insert your own. I believe in commerce and the art of being you, which is really anyone brave enough to know that they have a short time to create something here on earth.
Lots of people don’t know who Trammel Crow is. Well, he IS the most successful real-estate developer of our time. You may be in a Trammel Crow building right now. I love him because he did it his way. Started late, like me @ the age of 33 and just disrupted the heck out of the real estate game by creating partnerships and treating people right. He died before many of his later projects were actually developed. Can’t you see? He did it his way and it worked! You’ve been doing it everyone else’s WAY and you’re still stuck and confused.
I get it though. Confidence plays a huge part in believing you can. It’s true what they say. Confidence boils down to self-image. Do some homework on yourself. Be okay with taking the time to do so. The internet aint going nowhere.
There has never been anyone here like me – maybe in a parallel universe, but not here and not now and not ever. I will fumble my way to the top. I’ll see you there.
Stacy A. Cross