Finding Yourself….For How Long – Just Be Yourself

Was it just me or did you have a period in your life where you were just trying to find yourself. At one point I turned into a black panther, the other a gambling addict, and before that a hip-hop head (still am though). These were all very stark periods of my life but at what point did I accomplish finding myself.

The problem with that concept is that you never went anywhere. Who are you trying to find…just be yourself and get stuff done!

I was just speaking to a friend of mine who always seems to never know where she is. I felt a urge to tell her to shut up – you are right there. You’re using it as an excuse to be stagnant. I know that anything other than actually doing is being comfortable.

I decided to step outside of my comfort zone by doing things that used to get me scared. I walked out of a free seminar and started a business not having a business plan, not having any money, any sources or customers. I just needed to jump off and figure it out later.

Removing comfort from your life is going to be an ongoing and never ending process. That is why I created the 4 Step Process to get there. I created it for myself first as a means to eradicate my gambling addiction and redirect it. I removed gambling and replaced it with entrepreneurship. I kept the addiction.

When one is overwhelmed by something being drugs, alcohol, anxiety, low self-esteem it deteriorates their willingness to get uncomfortable. It is because their brains are opting to shelter, hide and remove pain from their life. My 4-Step Process is a system that is applicable for any obstacle, hurdle or doubt.

The Decision

A decision is the single most powerful and uncomfortable thing one can make in their life. It can be a decision to lose weight, quit smoking, overcome gambling, start a business, go back to school, quit a job, create a project etc.

But decision means choice. It means control – it means having power. You have to trust your decision in everything. Trust you’re at the right place ..doing the right thing ..finding the correct solution. It’s all about trusting yourself and knowing your power. When I was addicted … I didn’t consciously make any decisions to go gamble.

Even though I hated what I was doing and it was affecting all areas of my life (spiritual, mental, physical, financial and relational) I still popped dollars in slots and on tables like it was nobodies business. I still took my entire paycheck and didn’t leave until it was completely gone. I had no control. Even though I knew what I was doing. I still couldn’t stop it. That’s what it feels like to be out of control. To be over powered. Weak

The Confront

Confronting really allows you to assess and pay attention to the behavior or result that you don’t like, want or need any more. It’s no longer serving you. It’s pretty destructive.

Confronting also means handling upfront without hiding away like a little punk at your problems. The first thing I did to confront my addiction was look at my finances. It made me sick. I almost threw up looking at the amount of overdraft, NSF and cash advance fees that I paid over the course of 5+ years.

Confronting puts you at a place of power too. No longer will you hide behind the reality you created and blame everyone for how you are failing or not doing well. No longer will you be in doubt or confusion about exactly where you are. When its bad…it’s bad. Say it’s bad. Now you can fix it. No biggie. When we don’t know we assume … something is weighing our chest down. We feel like a bobble head and do not know if we are coming or going. When we have doubt, we make decisions based off of falsehoods, therefore we are in a cycle of failure.

The fastest way to clarity is by confronting the thing that got you scared. Learning what has been holding you back and direct it.

The Commit

Can’t commit without confronting. There’s no way. That’s where many of us fail. We commit to losing weight. But never confront our choices, our results from those choices or our eating habits. We didn’t see it. It’s still a mystery.

Yeah we can say we commit and go hard in the gym for months but at some point you will lose motivation and you don’t have the baseline of what not to do. It’s all about doing the opposite of what you been doing. When you commit you promise, you go all in. I can’t toy around with commitment any more, there’s too much at steak. Your subconscious is always recording.

It’s a promise to yourself that no matter what … you’re going to crush it even when you don’t feel like it and your bones hurt. You’re going to give it your ALL!

The Create

Creation is everything to me. I create things out of thin air. I create things in action. This article you are reading …is a creative thing. 1 hour ago, it didn’t exist.

I know that many of us have gifts and talents, ideas and motivation to see them through. But more often than not implementation is where we lack power. We teach this in The Comfort Killers Academy.

We teach entrepreneurship from the inside, out.  If you want to CHANGE you have got to get busy with something. There’s no fluffing around this part of it. There’s many people that believe writing a post on Facebook and liking and commenting is creation. There are two categories [Spectating and Creating] I like to create 80% of the time and keep working at something. If I don’t I get bored. When I get bored, I start confronting. In order for me to feel good….I gotta stay moving and creating.

People have copied my creation techniques. I know this and appreciate the honor. It’s a little inside thing between me and my team. If you take the time to read through my 200+ articles on this site will find my techniques too. I want you to use them because it has helped me so much overcome many stagnant periods …the biggest one being a gambling addict.


You cannot find yourself when you are always with yourself. You just have to believe that you are worth it and just do it. Get out of the funk by confronting, get real, get into your reality and get it done!

Remain uncomfortable,

Stacy A. Cross