I went back in my journals to uncover the truth about motivation and self-improvement
Most people don’t want to improve their situation.
Most people rather stay comfortably snugged away in their middle-class blankets.
I uncovered the fact that my mindset was freaking torched. It wreaked of disadvantages, lies, circumstances, – it stunk of excuses. I was killing myself from 2009 to Feb, 2016, the most significant time in my gambling addict files. I woke up thinking about the slot machine and went to bed dreaming about pulling the lever.
What is motivation?
Forget motivation when you are hard wired, full on, no holds-barred ADDICTED.
I watch how people are motivated, and I laugh because I know it will soon fizzle out. I have been going hard at life for the last 2 years and bro, I am not stopping and this shit is not motivation. Get freaking addicted.
Here is what happened to not only my mind but to my body and everything in my universe once the button was switched. Here goes:
The response to:
- The thought about gambling
- The thought about money
- The receipt of money in my account
- The thought about the receipt of future money in my account
- The thought about risk
- The thought about reward
Any one of these would set my entire body into a frantic change – it was similar to how the transformers moved from automobiles to real life killers in a matter of seconds. If you want to see what change looks like inside the body. How the body supports a quest. Then this is it.
Biologically, I changed instantly after the thought has been thought up.
Inside, my energy would raise, no matter if I was tired or had a long day… I would be up to task. I had more than enough energy to shower, drive to the casino, stay up for 10 hours inside the casino and drive home mad.
Inside, my stomach would feel a bit of anxiety – it was as if my sympathetic nervous system kicked in when there was no danger around. I was fight or flight. Mostly, it made me want to take a shit minutes after walking inside the casino like clockwork.
Then there was the ultimate power I felt. Pre-casino, I was super powerful, I would imagine that I won big! Saw it in my mind’s eye and everything. I was unstoppable. I lied, steal and cheat with zero worries about repercussions later.
What is the difference then now? I am still addicted.