Learn from my failures.
Good morning Comfort Killers! Another beautiful Thursday, another beautiful episode on the Get Uncomfortable podcast. I am going to ask that you like, share and leave feedback on ITunes! Remember, sharing is caring and if you found value in this, I am sure other people will too.
Let’s get right into it.
Lately, I’ve been identifying all the things that held me back during my life. All of them my fault but I cannot take credit simply because it’s the responsible thing to do. Schools, traditional thinking and conventional wisdom has a part to play.
My parents made sure I went to the best school money can buy. I went to Catholic school 40 minutes away from where I lived. Why? Because the education was better. I do agree – it felt great to say, I had to take a test and pass to get in this elite school. But I wasn’t doing great at all there. School was just not my thing. Nursing school was just not my thing. When I realized that I was working backwards, against who I was and what my purpose is – things were difficult.
When I started a clothing brand, I kept trying to infuse it with purpose. The tag line was: Quality is not an accident. I infused the company with a content driven blog based around my journey into building that company. I romanticized with the company and it was a struggle. I was there only to learn; I wasn’t in that space to win. I understand that now.
All my previous ventures hit peaked early. I struggled. I was in the dirt longer than I wanted to be. I never understood why I couldn’t get any traction. I never felt more uneasy about business than when I created these other businesses.
Now the part that was me. 100% – was my determination, passion, action, attitude, hustle. I didn’t have any.
#1. Conventional wisdom told me that it cannot be done. That I needed a college degree – perhaps an MBA or better. I needed to go to a good school, get good grades, turn those good grades into a nice paying job. I needed to start a family in my 20s and then buy a house. Go on vacations and shop at Walmart. Here is the thing. I never wanted kids right away. I either quit or was fired from most of my jobs. I hated working for other people. I really was a sucky employee in my 20s. I rather play music and hang out with my friends. There was no place for me at this period in my life. I wasn’t serious about anything.
#2 Outdated Theories.
When I finally was interested in learning more about me. Getting better – I decided to really focus on my skillset. I was living in my mom’s basement and slept half of the days. I picked up Think and Grow Rich. I started reading this book. It was eye opening. I started to write all these things down in a notepad. Things like goals, how much I wanted to make, business that I wanted to commit to. I wrote my purpose down. Then, I took no action to get them.
I listened to the greats – learned from them a great deal but still no action. There wasn’t anything out there that I was listening to that said, Stacy you are not winning because you are not taking action. Instead they said, think about it. Think and think and think.
#3 Counter Productivity.
My mind was not in sync with my actions. Again my fault. Totally my error in doing. I woke up late. Wrote shit down in my journal that meant nothing. I didn’t do anything that I wrote.
If there is one thing I know now that I didn’t know then – it is to move with opportunity. Your location and environment may be what is holding you back. In Jersey, no matter how people call it nostalgic, I walked outside and was met with a corner store selling loosie cigarettes, Chinese store selling greasy egg rolls and big ass chicken wings with the feathers still attached. Liquor stores everywhere. Fast food everywhere. The library was always under construction and it smelled like mildew in there. More police everywhere – Like totally in trap mode. People hanging outside – bored. 99 cent stores everywhere.
I remember moving from garden apartments in Jersey with Shivhon to garden apartments in Delaware. It was all we knew. We actually went right back into the comforting arms of the middle class location we knew. It was so funny to us. Even after we looked at other places, we settled on these apartment buildings where people were zombies walking outside. No one said hello. Kids in the hallways. Nothing to inspire us. It was bad.
Location. Your environment needs to change. We purposely did that. Action is everything.
#5 Scams, Pyramids, and Get Rich Quick Schemes
Shortcuts been around since the beginning. Pyramids been around since pyramids .. this is nothing new. There is a new way of pushing it though. Instead of late night infomercials – It’s your Instagram friends, Facebook friends, ads, on all your social channels.
I wanted the quick way – that’s how I ended up stuck in front of slot machines for almost 9 years. I wanted to find the easy way. Sit at home and make dollars holler.
I bought into this concept. Provide nothing to the universe but want everything in return. This is the lottery mindset but here is the key: 70 percent of people who win a lottery or get a big windfall actually end up broke in a few years, according to the National Endowment for Financial Education.
That is a tough pill to swallow. 70 % didn’t know how to control, create, protect, and multiply finances before and now they go broke after. They kick themselves in the foot.
#6 Security and Safety.
This ties hand in hand with location. You feel safe in a place that you know. Among people that do the same things you do, eat at the same places, drive the same cars and go to the same bars and clubs.
I needed to stretch this 100 times. See when I told my mother that I would be moving to the Philadelphia area, it wasn’t met with positive reinforcement – It wasn’t a do your best. It was Stacy, you better know what you are doing. Philadelphia is dangerous. Why do you have to move? See, in Jersey I was a babysitter to my brother’s kids. I was also a driver for them to and fro school. She was already thinking about them and who would pick them up every day, baby sit and drop them off at home, feed them. I told her that my brothers need to figure that out. I will be gone.
There are always mindset shifts that need to happen in order to succeed, in order to see things differently, be open to change and opportunity. For me, like or not, seeds were planted in that dingy, dark, creepy crawler filled basement. Seeds of success – abundance and change. I am sharing with you this intent. Do not be held back by these things. You need to understand that your potential is bigger than your comfort zone. That is why I created this brand. You need to move away, move out, move beyond, and do it with speed. Forget accuracy at this point.
I am not saying that you cannot become successful in your career or by going to college. I am saying that if you don’t want to .. .you don’t need to. I am saying that you are talented, gifted and you have a purpose. My instincts told me that there was more to obtain. More people to meet more relationships to nuture and more life to live. I couldn’t see it then because there were filters blocking these visions.
Today, I want you to look at another city to live in. It doesn’t matter that you don’t have the money yet. Just look. Just show yourself what you could be having. Look at another industry, get alive about something. Push yourself outside of comfort.